BB - Pete - "My Crazy Life"

[faceless]

By Gemma Calvert

BIG Brother fame, success and fortune were all ahead of him?but troubled teenager Pete Bennett didn't have a clue as he teetered on the balcony of his mum's top floor council flat with the high winds whistling around him. Right now his future stretched just 100 feet in front of him?straight down on to the concrete below. Tortured by his Tourette's, bullied beyond endurance, abandoned and surrounded by poverty, Pete was about to send himself on the ultimate eviction.

"I saw an opportunity to solve all our problems if I acted quickly and decisively," he recalls. "I pulled myself up on the edge of the balcony and paused, taking a few seconds to prepare myself for a final flight." The heart-stopping moment is just one of a catalogue of brutally honest confessions from Pete, 24, as he tells his life story. Secrets including:

# DRUG abuse, tripping out on LSD and horse dope ketamine,

# TERRIFYING hallucinations of rotting in hell,

# HAUNTING memories of the horrific electrocution of his closest pal, and the

# TRUTH about his short-lived romance with dizzy BB housemate Nikki.

It's been an incredible life, a life that could so easily have come to an end that day high above Greenwich in south London. But schoolboy Pete took in the scene. St Paul's Cathedral one way, the Cutty Sark the other. And below him nothing but the cold, hard pavement. Pete recalled the awful thoughts racing through his mind: "Would it hurt? Would I definitely kill myself and be released from everything? Or would I end up crippling myself for life on top of everything else? People say suicide is a coward's way out, but it takes a fair bit of courage to throw yourself into the unknown."

Pete was only saved by his mum Anne Stephenson walking on to the balcony just as he was about to drop. "She saw me sitting there, plucking up the final ounce of courage to do it," said Pete. "If I'd had one of my big Tourette's tics at that moment I'd have been propelled over the side in a second anyway. But Mum gasped, ?Oh my God, what are you doing?' I sobbed, ?I want to kill myself, Mum. I'm nothing but a f****** freak now. I used to think that one day I'd get married, have a family and a career but now my whole life's been ruined.' "But when I saw her face and heard her pleading I realised I was being selfish. If I jumped I wouldn't be lightening her burden. I had to keep going. I had to find a way to beat Tourette's."

It's been tough. Just a year ago the demons returned and Pete considered suicide AGAIN, convinced he was living in hell, misunderstood and unable to deal with feelings of insanity. "I lost the will to live," he admitted. "Then one night I was at a party and outside I found some barbed wire. I wanted to rip it deep across my wrists and tear them to shreds. I wanted to end it all. Then suddenly a voice in my head said ?Don't do that!' So I stepped away. It was a message I had to learn. And then came Big Brother..."

Pete's journey to the brink of madness had been heartbreaking. Abandoned by his dad, his first memory as a tot was seeing mum Anne fly across the room as she took a beating from a boyfriend. Violinist Anne travelled the world gigging with punk bands like Siouxsie and the Banshees and gay icons the Communards. A parade of transsexuals, gays and lesbians helped the struggling young mum to raise Pete. When concert work dried up she went busking.

Despite showbiz pals and appearances on Top Of The Pops, early life in their Peckham council flat was grim. From the age of nine Pete's gurning facial tics and growing obsessive-compulsive disorder made him an easy target for bullies, who branded him "Monkey Face". One brute grabbed Pete in a headlock and stuffed a pencil up his nose. "He forced it as high as it would go," said Pete. "I was frightened it would puncture my brain. Eventually he pulled it out, but the rubber?fixed to the end of the pencil?was no longer there. I could feel it, wedged somewhere up behind my eyes."

Ironically that incident led to the first medical diagnosis of Pete's Tourette's and the start of treatment. "Thank God," he recalled. "Now I knew it wasn't my fault. It was a ?syndrome'." But Pete was always going to be different. As a student in Brighton he became best mates with Julian Brooker, known as Joolz?a friendship that was to end in tragedy. Pete, Joolz and his exotic dancer girlfriend Cherry became regulars at kinky bondage clubs where Pete took mind-bending trips on LSD and ketamine, the horse tranquillizer. Then came the fateful night two years ago. Pete and Joolz were hallucinating on magic mushrooms and ended up with Cherry on the deserted railway station behind their flat.

"Joolz crept over the bridge and dropped onto the tracks, crunching on the shingle," recalled Pete. "As he clowned about I called out, ?You look like Gollum!' Then he touched a dead rail, pretending it was live and the electric current had stung him. When he crept further I saw a spark fly off him and thought he was still messing around. I was laughing and it looked like he was still jiggling about laughing too."

But then Cherry's scream of horror pierced the night as she realised Joolz was dying before their eyes. "Without thinking we each grabbed one of his legs to pull him off," said Pete. "There was an enormous explosion as the current hit us and we were thrown back. We could see Joolz still juddering on the line, sparks and smoke coming off his face. The smell of burning was terrible." As Pete struggled to overcome his friend's death, he slipped deeper into drugs and got addicted to ketamine. And the nightmare hallucinations got worse. One time he thought he was at the gates of hell. Then he saw himself ageing by the second as maggots ate his rotting flesh.

In another episode Pete thought he saw God and dead pal Joolz telling him to give up drugs?and audition for Big Brother 7. "From then on I knew what I had to do?fulfil Joolz's prophecy," revealed Pete. And he did his friend proud. Although winning has put enormous pressure on Pete, the ?100,000 prize wiped out his hard-working mum's debts. And his success raised ?400,000 for a Tourette's charity.

Pete?now happily dating old pal Cherry, real name Gemma Costain?admits: "This getting famous thing is great, really wicked. But it's not always as easy as it looks."

# PETE: MY STORY by Pete Bennett, is published by HarperCollins on Thursday at ?17.99.















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[IRiSHMaFIA]

That's something I'd like to read. I bet it'd be fascinating.

[faceless]

'My book? I haven't read it yet'
Everybody loved Pete Bennett from Big Brother - until he won. He tells Simon Hattenstone about living with Tourette's, his split with Nikki, the day he met God - and how he's just a little bit gay

Monday October 30, 2006
The Guardian

Pete Bennett says he's exhausted, hops into bed, and pulls the duvet tight around him. We're in a large hotel suite. Is it OK if I sit on the bed, I ask timidly. "Get in," he says sweetly. So I do. He cuddles his pillow, I cuddle mine. All that separates us is a pink cushion and a tape recorder. Big Brother's most popular winner is ready to piggyback on his BB success - first the autobiography, next the music career. Pete - reality show contestants are always reduced to their first name - was a Big Brother freak. Not because of his Tourette's syndrome and the involuntary body spasms and facial gurns and involuntary "WANKER!" quacks that punctuated every sentence. He was a Big Brother freak because everybody liked him. He didn't bitch and backstab his way to victory, he wasn't pathologically driven to celebrity, he was simply a nice boy being himself. The strangest thing was that despite the outbursts, he was such a quiet boy. And while his body would flip uncontrollably one way then the next, he also had a rather wonderful Chaplinesque grace. He said so little that at times he appeared to be miming his way through his stint and, despite his obvious strangeness, he was one of Big Brother's more normal contestants. Everybody loved Perfect Pete. Until he won.

I ask him why he's so knackered. "I don't know. Hehehe! WANK! I think because Cherry's in Japan, and I miss her and just thinking about her." Cherry is part of the reason for the Pete backlash. By the time he left the BB house, he and the infinitely stranger Nikki were an item. Viewers had watched their relationship evolve over the 12 weeks, had seen her return to the house and devour him, and had already written up their future, which would conclude with a wedding and them living happily ever after.

But, of course, reality shows and reality are two very different things. Pete and Nikki weren't to be. In fact, Pete had been in love with Cherry for three years, even though he had never quite managed to tell her. Nikki and Big Brother focused his mind. How long have they been together? "We've liked each other, bleblelele, snort, snort, chuph chuph WANK! a long time.

A long run of it." He coughs, spasms, tics, punches his chest and neck, barks, wanks and gurns and eventually he answers: "Three years." Cherry is his soulmate, he says.

Pete's autobiography is at its most interesting when documenting his childhood - the heroic, violin-playing, rock'n'rolling, God-fearing single mum who brought him up, the beautiful punk dad who let him down, the struggle for money, the gradual onset of Tourette's, the bullying peer group, the despair, the movement from school to school to find somewhere that could accommodate him, and somewhere he felt at ease.

How did he write the book? "This posh geezer came over and asked a load of questions. WANK! And I had to answer them." How long did it take? "A whole week! WANK! Yeah. WANK! I'm tired, man." That's the lovely thing about Pete - he tells it as it is. Is it weird being an author? "I'm not really, it was some geezer with a Dictaphone. Ehehehehe! WANK!" He'd love to discuss the book in detail, there's only one problem - he hasn't read it yet.

The most painful aspect is when he talks about the effect of Tourette's on his daily life; how for so long he just wanted to be quiet, anonymous Pete Bennett, but his brain and body would constantly betray him. He didn't want to go into all those places and scream out "Wankers yer all", but he couldn't help it. At one point, he says, he gave up. He was standing on the balcony of his mother's flat when she walked in. That was the only time he considered suicide.

What does the Tourette's feel like? " It's like your arms and legs are suffocating you and you have to move them. It's like if you don't breathe, you need to breathe in the end - but all over your body."

His head is deep in his pillow. Occasionally, he turns round to make sure the tape recorder catches him. Pete is not easy to chat to - his answers are largely monosyllabic. He apologises, and says he's tired and hungry. It's not surprising he gets a little nervy when talking to strangers - he doesn't know what's going to come out next. Or rather he does, but just wishes it wouldn't.

Actually, he says, he has read some of the stuff in the book about his Tourette's. "I thought it was boring. Probably because it was about me." Does he not like reading about himself? "I don't like reading anyway. Can't stand it."

The Tourette's was diagnosed when he was 14. Did it take him by surprise? "Not really because I always knew it was there. I felt it for years. I was twitching and stuff but I couldn't explain it. Whhoooooooooh." He makes a shrill inward whistle. "I was 11, and I had this bad breathing twitch. I always had to hold my breath, and it felt really uncomfortable. WANK!"

Had he felt normal before that? "No." Weird in a good way? "No, not in a good way. And I was always bullied, so no WANK! I did try to fight back but I got my head kicked in. Ehehehe! I'd never win. I used to hit them back and they'd just beat me up twice as much. It's always stuck with me. CUNTS!" It's hard to know whether this is the Tourette's speaking, but the voice comes from deep within. In the book, he talks about having a little devil inside himself.

It must have been hard for your mum, I say. He nods. "Yeah, I think she thought I was going to be unhappy for ever. WANK!" For years, he didn't like to be seen in public. He hid himself from the world. Then he went to art college and liberated himself. Rather than trying to suppress his loudness, he embraced it. He danced and drugged his way through the next few years. He discovered sex and fetishism and learned how to have a good time. Then disaster struck. Two years ago, he and Cherry and his friend Joolz were all stoned, playing by the railway line. Joolz went on to the line to mess around. It took Pete and Cherry a few seconds to register he wasn't messing any more. He was dead. When they carried him off the line, they too received electric shocks.

Pete went into a depression. In a way, he says, all this is why he went on Big Brother and why he's here today. Soon after Joolz's death, he experienced a strange acid/ketamine-fuelled vision. He was in hell, having changed from Perfect Pete (his friends' nickname for him) to Pigtail Pete.

"Joolz came down and sat with me in this field, and he was helping me get out of hell, and he gave me a vision of what to do. He told me, don't worry it will be all right." He told him it was his destiny to go on Big Brother and win. Joolz had found the code for them to get back into heaven via "the spiral". On the journey to heaven he met a bloke with sideburns, curly hair and a round nose - it turned out to be God. Pete is now talking with great intensity and barely ticking, only momentarily distracted by the hotel mini-bar. "Wow, beer! They do say that Touretteurs have clairvoyancy. That's what the doctors said anyway."

How much of the vision was drug-fuelled?

"I don't know. I think it was real actually. This was different to any trip ... seeing the whole spiral. Just the whole way it was formed was amazing. Seeing God was amazing. And then it was scary." Did he have a big beard? "No, he doesn't have a big beard. He trims it."

Even so, despite the vision, Pete almost pulled out of Big Brother. "I was just worried about my own mental health. I started to feel like ... I was still questioning the whole vision thing. Was it real? Was it not? It proved to be true when I got in. I was thinking, maybe I'm a psycho. I was going through a bit of depression still. I thought I was bipolar or something. I was depressed."

Was he taking antidepressants? He grins. "No, I was taking ketamine. It's rubbish. I was addicted to ketamine. I'd spent a good five years out of it on drugs." Joolz's death changed his attitude to drugs. "I was just trying to get off them anyway. Being in the house is great - you rehab for three months."

He says the house was claustrophobic and dull, but easy-peasy compared with the hell he had been in. How hard was it to be nice all the time? Well, he says, when you're being watched you're bound to be on your best behaviour.

I assume he's talking about the TV audience, but he isn't. "Because I've met God," he says, matter of factly, " I constantly feel I'm being watched by everyone in heaven. I've got a really strong conscience now." Has it changed his behaviour? "No, I've always been nice. You've got to be a nice boy or you won't go to heaven." Does he go to church? "No, I've got my own religion now." Has it got a name? "Probably just 'spiral'."

While he's been mingling with God, one senses he feels he has also done something of a deal with the devil. Yes, he might have won Big Brother and yes, he might be starting to reap the rewards, but there is a price to pay. "The good side is that I'm loaded, and doing music." He's recently started working with Guy Chambers, who wrote the Robbie Williams hit Angels. The downside is that having quit his psychedelic rock'n'roll band, his former mates have sold their story, and called him a Judas. "They said I was a fake. That I used Nikki for money and I sold them out." He looks devastated.

Big Brother warned him that there would be envy and bad feeling, and some people would try to profit from him. Did that make it easier? "No. WANK! Splitting up with the band was pretty fucking hard. And having no friends in London is quite lonely." (After the show finished, he moved from Brighton back to London, where he is currently renting former pop star Adam Ant's house.)

There have been other things that have upset him, he says. "All the press care about is the size of me knob and how badly I treated Nikki."

Perhaps, I say, but the fact is, you talk about being blessed with an "enormous knob" in your book. His face turns as red as his hair. He looks shocked. "Are you joking? Why the fuck does it say that then?" This is definitely not the Tourette's talking. "I didn't say that. I thought there was nothing about my willy in there. Fuckin' hell, I can't believe that. I bleblbeble ... cos in the papers people say I'm bragging about my cock and I haven't."

"You really should have read it, Pete," his publicist chips in.

There are other things that don't sound like you in the book, I say - for example, the way you keep insisting you are not gay despite the fact that former girlfriends have suggested you prefer men to women. This time, he looks more surprised than shocked. Go on, then tell the tape recorder, what the true you is. "I'm a big faggot!" he shouts and bursts out laughing. What has hurt most, though, is the stuff about him and Nikki. "The Star apparently said WANK! me and Nikki are a publicity stunt. WANK! That was a really big lie. And I didn't say she was horrific and I'm never going to see her again."

When Pete came out of the house, he admits there was pressure to make the reltionship work. Was that commercial pressure?

Pressure to keep themselves in the public eye? No, he says, he would be quite happy away from all that. It was pressure from the media and the public who now seem to think they had the right to shape their future (not surprising, seeing as we do get to play God when they are in the house). How does he cope with that? "I don't. I don't cope with it. If people would shut up and leave me alone. I can't get on with my life. People keep telling me what I should have done, and I've let everyone down. It's all I've heard since I split up with Nikki."

What he will say is that they now accept how different they are. "She's completely the opposite." In what way? "There's nothing spiritual about her at all. Or anything like that. Basically, she's not a hippy. I am. She's just into fake tans." He laughs. So they don't speak? "No, we do speak. We speak on the phone. She's cool, we're friends."

He talks about his plans for the future; how he would love the music to work out, how he'd love to make loads of dosh (he gave his ?100,000 winnings to his mum), and move to a big house with Cherry, get married and have children. So we should rule out the gay stuff after all? He thinks about it for a while. "I'm a little bit gay. WANK!"

One more thing. He would quite like - and he knows it's a big ask, having entered Big Brother, and having (not) written his autobiography and launched a pop career - he really would quite like some of his privacy back. "People I don't know just talk endlessly to me about ... I don't know. They talk at me. About stuff for hours. I'm quite a quiet person. I meet them at night clubs and they follow me round. I'll probably have to go and get cosmetic surgery to change my face into something else." Can't he just call them a wanker and tell them to get lost? He looks shocked."Oh no, I'd never do that." So what does he do to get rid of them?

"I don't. I just smile"


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that's probably a good percentage of the juicy bits of the book covered already!

[Kezza]

Thanks for posting the articles -- enjoyed reading them.

[faceless]

Pete: I'll wed up a tree!
07/11/06
BESOTTED Pete Bennett plans to wed punk girlfriend Gemma Costain, declaring: "We?re getting hitched . . . up a f***ing tree." The Big Brother 7 champ gushed yesterday: "She?s definitely the one for me. I can?t wait till we get hitched ? it?s going to be wicked."

The quirky pair want a dog as a pageboy at the wedding and to go on to make at least 23 babies. Swearing Pete?s romantic revelations come after we told exclusively how Gemma flew back from Japan for a rompathon with her fella that lasted 72 hours. And yesterday the loved-up pair gave their favourite newspaper a sneak preview of their big day. They?ll invite Tourette?s sufferer Pete?s BB co-stars Richard Newman and big-boobed Leah Walker, both 34, to take on some of the big wedding day roles and once they have tied the knot the dippy duo also hope to start their own hippy commune ? filled with their own children.

Pete, 24, said: "We know we want to get married, but we don?t know exactly when yet. When we do it will probably be up a tree. It would be different and completely wicked. We?re loving the idea of having the ceremony at Devil?s Dyke ? a gorgeous place in East Sussex. Loads of people go there for hang-gliding, but it?s also known as a place to go dogging. What would be really good is if Dickie could come along as a bridesmaid in a big frock. And I?ve heard lots of people get ordained on line or be a minister. Maybe Leah could do that and actually marry us."

Green-haired student Gemma, 22, added: "I?d love my dog to be the pageboy. We?re really keen to have a big family ? our own hippy commune. We want about 23 babies, at least." They also revealed they want their children to look just like the one we created for them in yesterday?s paper. Gemma said: "We think the Daily Star?s baby picture is so cute. Pete says it?s got my eyes. We?re telling you all this, but I don?t know what my parents will make of it. They don?t know we?re going to get married."

Pete?s wedding announcement comes after Gemma cut short a world trip for the kinky session at her man?s north London house.

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haha, good luck to them

[faceless]

LOUD, colourful and charming
Evening Times, Glasgow 15/11/06
Pete Bennett needed no introduction when he arrived in Glasgow last night. The winner of this year's Big Brother was mobbed by dozens of female fans as he came to Borders Books to launch his book Pete, My Story. Pete, who suffers from Tourette's Syndrome, showed he has lost none of the cheeky showmanship which made him a big hit in this year's show, donning a See-you-Jimmy hat to entertain his Scots' fans. He also wore a black t-shirt and black and white tie with combat trousers, and was anything but relaxed as he chatted to fans including Emily McKissack, 17, of Castlemillk who was first in the queue.

Pete melted the hearts of several women in the Big Brother house as well as amassing an army of armchair fans across the nation. He was the first Big Brother housemate with Tourette's Syndrome - and show bosses initially came in for criticism because of this. But Pete appeared to respond well to the cameras and proved to be one of most lively and entertaining housemates the show has had.

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There's not many English who could come to Glasgow in one of those daft wigs and not get bottled! haha

[IRiSHMaFIA]