Christmas

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O, Cannabis Tree! Police find decorated plant during bust
8 Dec 10

Hippies enjoy celebrating Christmas too, police in the German state of Rhineland-Palatinate said on Wednesday after they were stunned to find a two-metre marijuana plant decked out in twinkling lights during a drug bust. “A hippie celebrates Christmas too ... just differently,” read the report, which was entitled “All you need is love,” because it fell on the 30th anniversary of John Lennon's death.

Narcotics detectives stumbled on the unusual Christmas tree while searching the home of an “old 68er,” a reference to the groups of young students and workers who participated in political protests across Germany in 1968. The man "more or less willingly" handed over 150 grammes of marijuana to the officers, but a further look around the apartment in the tiny town of Montabaur near Koblenz revealed a “peculiar 'Christmas tree'.” The man had put a two-metre tall pot plant in a tree stand and adorned it with Christmas lights.

“In response to questions by the dumbfounded officers, the hashish fan confirmed that the ‘tree’ would be decorated further and, on Christmas, gifts would be arranged underneath according to tradition,” the statement said.

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It's a cool idea, but I just wish he'd not been busted - I'd have happily stayed ignorant of this!

[eefanincan]

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Gio Compario - Santa Claus is Coming to Town

This won't mean much unless you've seen the painfully annoying Go Compare insurance ads, but I did chuckle at "Christmas fayre!"

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The World's Most Expensive Christmas Tree
$11 million worth of baubles - in some hotel in Abu Dhabi...

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New York Home Lights Up With Christmas Spirit

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More alternative Christmas cracker jokes
Catherine Tate, Ricky Gervais, Ed Byrne, Chris Addison… can these and other top comedians make your festive dinner go with a bang?

Who's the bane of Santa's life?
The elf and safety officer.
Catherine Tate

What is Tiger Woods' wife getting for Christmas?
Half of everything.
James Corden

What's the slogan for the Eskimo lottery?
'You've got to be Inuit to win you it!'
Alistair McGowan

A French Cat, Un Deux Trois, and an English cat, One Two Three, went for a swimming race round a lake. Who won?
One Two Thee, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinque.
Jo Brand

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sir Terry.
Sir Terry who?
How quickly they forget.
Jimmy Tarbuck

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre…
So the barman gives her one.
Meera Syal

I went to the Canary Islands on holiday this year, didn't see one canary.
Going to the Virgin Islands next year, can't wait.
Ed Byrne

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Steve Pemberton, The League Of Gentlemen

What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common?
They both have a one in a billion chance of becoming a human.
Sharon Horgan

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
9/11.
Jon Holmes

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pyjamas?
Your mum.
Jeremy Dyson, The League Of Gentlemen

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?
Poker face.
Shazia Mirza

Be careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar… Or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.
Sean Hughes

Man: I'll have the steak and kiddley pie, please.
Waiter: I think you mean steak and kidney?
Man: That's what I said, diddle I?
Alexander Armstrong

How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
Ben Miller

I've started dating this Jewish podiatrist. I'm in love with her footspa.
Phil Nichol

Never read a pop-up book about giraffes.
Sean Lock

Why has Noddy got a hat with a bell on it?
Because he's a twat.
Ricky Gervais

What do you call a man who's been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder?
These are good crackers, aren't they? Who bought these?
Chris Addison

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Are you kidding? It's Christmas – he should run a bloody mile.
Stephen K Amos

How do you know if Santa is really a werewolf?
He has Santa claws!
Dave Hill

Why did the atheist cross the road?
So he could see both sides.
Tom Wrigglesworth

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Christmas trees 'provocative:' Nazareth suburb's mayor
(AFP) – 4 hours ago

NAZARETH ILLIT, Israel — The mayor of a Jewish suburb of Nazareth sparked outrage on Wednesday after refusing to allow Christmas trees to be placed in town squares, calling them provocative. Predominantly Jewish Nazareth Illit, or Upper Nazareth, is adjacent to Nazareth, where Jesus is said to have spent much of his life. It has a sizable Arab Christian minority, as does mostly Muslim Nazareth itself.

"The request of the Arabs to put Christmas trees in the squares in the Arab quarter of Nazareth Illit is provocative," Mayor Shimon Gapso told AFP. "Nazareth Illit is a Jewish city and it will not happen -- not this year and not next year, so long as I am a mayor," he said of the northern Israeli town. Nazareth is right next door and they can do what they want there," he said.

His decision angered the town's Arab and Christian minority, who accused him of racism. "The racism of not putting a tree up is nothing compared to the real racism that we experience here," said Aziz Dahdal, a 35-year-old Christian resident of Nazareth Illit. "When we asked the mayor to put up a Christmas tree in the Arab neighbourhoods of Nazareth Illit he said this is a Jewish town, not a mixed town," said Shukri Awawdeh, a Muslim Arab member of the town council.

Awawdeh said there were 10,000 Arabs, most of them Christian in the town and there was also a large community of Christian Russian immigrants. "We told him that decorating a tree is just to share the happiness and cheer with other people in the town," said Awawdeh. "People here, Jews, Christians and Muslims live in harmony, but when the mayor does something like that, it does not make things better."

Christmas festivities in the Holy Land focus on the West Bank town of Bethlehem, where Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus in a manger. But there are also events in Nazareth, where Jesus is believed to have grown up with his mother Mary and her husband Joseph.

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[eefanincan]

[luke]

Oh deer ... bad trip?

Rudolph gets Blitzen on magic mushrooms

SANTA'S reindeer will be flying higher than ever this Christmas - after munching magic mushrooms.

Scientists have found that the animals regularly eat the mind-bending fly agaric fungi in the wild.

And Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen and pals are often seen staggering around, making odd noises afterwards.

Scientist Andrew Haynes believes reindeer deliberately seek out the mushrooms to escape the monotony of dreary long winters.

Writing in the respected Pharmaceutical Journal, Mr Haynes said: "They have a desire to experience altered states of consciousness.

"For humans a common side-effect of mushrooms is the feeling of flying, so it's interesting the legend about Santa's reindeer is they can fly."

[SpursFan1902]

See??? Santa is real!

[pirtybirdy]

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

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[Skylace]

Hi everyone! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas day that is filled with joy and love!

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The World's Ugliest Christmas Tree?
(Berlin)

[eefanincan]

Still Christmas Eve here, but I might not be around the computer very much tomorrow, so wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas.

For those of you who celebrate another holiday, all the best to you as well.