EE: next week

[carmelina]

Should Beale The Squeal festoon his family’s new abode at No 45 Albert Square with any more party balloons, then there’s a real danger the place could float into orbit.

But now that they’ve redecorated and settled into Pauline Fowler The Growler’s old gaff, they’re having a house-warming on Tuesday.

Best of all is the banner Ian has made up that reads: ‘Welcome to Ian and Jane’s praty.’ Now doesn’t he know that should have two ‘Ts’?

Undaunted by his own dyslexia, Ian’s in buoyant form as he happily prepares for the celebration, even if his chip shop assistant Craig drops a packet of condoms in the yard.

‘Ribs. Impressive,’ Bealey smirks in a nudge-nudge, wink-wink, men of the world together kind of way. ‘When I was your age no one was safe. Lock up yer daughters – that’s what they used to say.’

Yes, but that was because he was an obnoxious tightwad who was more likely to steal their pocket money than their virginity. But 18-year-old Craig is a very different story.

‘Can I ’ave ’em,’ he asks as polite, smarmy and devious as ever. ‘I’m gunna need ’em later. Someone I got my eye on.’

‘Safe sex,’ Ian approves. ‘Sensible lad, eh? Respect.’

Blimey, he’ll be uttering ‘Party on, dude’ next, buying low-rise baggy jeans and learning to skateboard…

But little does this ‘cool daddio’ realise that Craig’s intended victim is his own

13-year-old daughter Lucy. ‘Respect’ doesn’t come into it, either, as the pair have been secretly canoodling over a deep-fat fryer for weeks and plan to sneak off from the party to play hide the saveloy.

While this story isn’t particularly original as most girls are branded frigid or dysfunctional in the sexual playground of Soapland if they haven’t had a baby, abortion or miscarriage by the time they’re 14 – or all three – it’s still entertaining enough.

Melissa Suffield is a promising young talent as Lucy who looks vaguely like her late mother and is now behaving like her, too – the infamous Sinful Cindy Beale.

But as the saga continues into Thursday’s episode with Ian and Max trying to reach the young virgin before it’s too late, Lucy is feeling intimidated by randy Craig.

Plied with vodka, and shown the packet of three, she’s lured into his bedroom and starts to undress… just as Ian and Max burst through the door and hurl a half-naked Craig against the wall.

This just isn’t his week, though. Because after Craig’s interviewed by the police and let off with a caution, an even angrier Beale returns, kicks his door in again and makes him an offer he can’t refuse.

‘If a good hiding doesn’t bother you,’ Ian proposes, ‘300 quid if you break off all contact with my daughter.’

Craig may take the cash and then meet up with Lucy, but there’s a twist as she snatches the money off him.

‘What ’appens from now is up to me,’ she threatens him fiercely. ‘Do you want to go back to the police? Next time I’ll tell them all about you. And I mean everything.’

Oops. One way or another, you’ve just been Bealed, mate.

ALSO:

Clutching her stomach in agony and then vomiting all over Ian’s house-warming cake before she has even eaten a slice is a sure sign there’s something amiss with pregnant Tanya. Frightened she is about to lose her unborn child on Monday, she persuades her husband’s ex-lover Stacey to go with her to the hospital. ‘This baby, it means so much,’ Tan confides. ‘Me an’ Max, we’ve ’ad our moments. Rocky, like the Andes… But this is… a chance to put everyfing behind us.’ That must be what Stacey’s hoping too…



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[11antoniacourt]

It sounds like it'll be a boring week in the Square. But it sounds like Lucy is turning into the uber bitch, following in Auntie Pauline's footsteps.

[Aja]

Now am I stupid .....or was it Craig that attacked patrick ??????

[11antoniacourt]

[carmelina]

[Aja]

[popinjay]

Wouldn't it be nice if they swerved us all and it actually turned out to be Sean that did it?

[Skylace]

[pirtybirdy]

I slowed the video down to see what the actual object was that hit Patrick, but I still can't figure out what it was. Whatever it was, it only brushed his hat...Also, it appears it must have been on a string or rope, because of the way it pulled back after it grazed Patrick's hat.

[eefanincan]