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maycm
'cheeky banana'
Joined: 29 Apr 2006
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 Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:01 pm Post subject: The English language |
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| Quote: | Why is English is so hard to learn?
1.. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2.. The farm was used to produce produce.
3.. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4.. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5.. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6.. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7.. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8.. I did not object to the object.
9.. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
10.. They were too close to the door to close it.
11.. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
12.. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
You cannot buy boots in Boots, you cannot buy virgins in Virgins, you cannot buy threshers in Threshers, and the Superdrug chain is a disappointment.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you have to hit "START"? |
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nekokate
Joined: 13 Dec 2006
Location: West Yorkshire, UK
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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I love the bit about noses that run and feet that smell!
I always wondered how a city can be razed to the ground... |
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luke
Joined: 11 Feb 2007
Location: by the sea
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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brilliant  |
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major.tom
Macho Business Donkey Wrestler
Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Location: BC, Canada
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: |
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Except for the examples, I've seen this before. It's still an amusing read.
cheers! |
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pirtybirdy
'Native New Yorker'
Joined: 29 Apr 2006
Location: FL USA
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 1:31 am Post subject: |
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| Nice one Maycm! I like the why isn't the plural of booth "beeth". lol |
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Bat
Joined: 30 Apr 2006
Location: Top of the Northern line.
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| Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 11:38 am Post subject: |
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| Just showed this to my wife who is an English teacher here and she was just getting tongue twisted all the time reading it. She's going to show it to her students but she doesn't think anyone will understand it straight away. |
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