Farting Preacher

[IRiSHMaFIA]

It seems everywhere I've surfed today has some kind of fart videos on it

This one had me buckled over laughing

[faceless]

[Kezza]

Yes, these type of "preachers" are still on US TV, as well as writing best-selling books (e.g. Joel Osteen).

Follows is an article on the guy in the video -- that 1-800 telephone number to make a "vow" is actually a donation line. What a total sack of shit this "preacher" is!

Maybe the Couch should ask for "vows" from its members?

Bob (Robert Tilton) is back! Oh, brother!
Dallas Morning News 8/17/2003

Posted on 08/17/2003 11:41:01 AM PDT by sinkspur

About once a week, someone will say to me, "Did you know he's back?" Or, "You'll never guess who I saw on TV!"

And of course, they are talking about my old buddy, TV preacher Robert Tilton.

They say you can't keep a good man down. And apparently not Robert Tilton either.

He's babbling in tongues and badgering viewers for $1,000 vows just like the old days.

I'm sure he must be raking in millions. The audience of poor, desperate people is never ending.

If anything, his act is more audacious and brilliant than ever. I'll explain in a minute.

I had known that the former Dallas preacher was broadcasting again in the wee hours of the morning on BET, the Black Entertainment Television cable channel. He must have more recently added the 10 p.m. Sunday time slot on BET because reports of his resurrection have multiplied.

I guess most folks assumed Brother Bob was gone for good after that meltdown in the mid-'90s. That's when he divorced, got married, divorced again, went off the air and disappeared to Florida amid reports of drunken rages and rats eating his brain. (Those reports were from his second ex-wife, who may not have been trying to put poor Bob in the best light.)

Out of curiosity, I set the recorder to catch his Success N Life show for the last couple of weeks. And give Bob this: He's got a goofy exuberance that still fascinates.

(By the way, if you never saw the gaseous Tilton video, do a Google search. It's all over the Internet now.)

As I watched his shows, something seemed so familiar. I finally figured it out. They're a cross between Groundhog Day and Romper Room .

Groundhog Day because, just like in the movie, every day is the same. Every show is identical! Bob hammers on the same few verses about giving to God and getting multiple blessings in return.

The Gospel According To Bob is simply this: Send money and God will give you stuff.

And the show is like Romper Room because each one ends much like Miss Nancy's Magic Mirror. Remember? "I see Susie and Bobby, and there's Timmy ... ."

Bob has similar magic:

"Just now I saw a businessman. You need to make a $1,000 vow ... ."

"Oh [squinching his face], just there, I saw a person that's in some type of trouble. Trouble, trouble, trouble ... ."

"There's a person watching ? God wants to move you into a new home ... ."

"There is one particular person watching ? you're going to become a millionaire. There's no doubt about that ... ."

Oh lordy, take my money, Brother Bob! Let me be that one!

Here is what's so brilliant about Bob's game. If you pay attention at the end, a little line says the show is "Copyright MCMXCIX."

I'm sure you remember your Roman numerals. That's 1999.

Every show I saw was from 1998 or 1999. Bob's just doing reruns!

Now here's the final bit of brilliance. He invites viewers to call "our prayer ministers" at 1-800-705-7000.

There are no prayer ministers! Go ahead, call the number. It's just Bob's voice on an automated phone menu! "If you are calling to make a vow of faith, please press 1 now. If you are calling with a prayer request, please press 2 ... ."

Old reruns and automated phones ? it's brilliant!

He's Robo-Bob!

And while his ministry operates on autopilot, Brother Bob has created a pretty nice life for himself in South Florida. Ziva Branstetter, an investigative reporter for the Tulsa World, recently spent some time trying to track him down. (His business affairs are still based in Tulsa.)

She never did get an interview but learned that he has married again, to a Florida woman, Maria Rodriguez, said to be in her 20s. He paid $1.4 million for an oceanfront lot in Miami Beach and had a fine new home under construction there.

Say this about Brother Bob. The prosperity gospel sure works for him.

[eefanincan]

Seems like everything coming out of his mouth was a fart! Gives all the honest people out there a bad name.

[IRiSHMaFIA]

[eefanincan]

[faceless]

[IRiSHMaFIA]

Oh man, I bet she wanted to crawl under a rock