Simon Amstell

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Buzz Cocks star's confession..
How could I not be a natural comedian? I'm GAY and JEWISH!
By Kate Jackson 20/12/2007

Spiteful, sneering but utterly hilarious - Simon Amstell is the man who puts the buzz in Never Mind The Buzzcocks. And this month the wild-haired quizshow host finally received the recognition he deserves by winning Best Comedy Entertainment Personality at the British Comedy Awards. Not bad for someone once described as a "twisted 21-year-old gay geek from Essex".

"I was 21, I wasn't quite gay yet, definitely a geek, definitely in Essex." says Simon, now 28. "I hadn't come out to myself or anyone else. I was in denial and I thought if I didn't tell anyone that it wasn't real." When he did decide to come out as gay, no one believed him. "I had to keep going on about it," he says. "I said it in the studio and only one person heard me."

Simon was an unknown when he started on the T4 show Popworld, but his subversive take on celebrity interviews made it a cult hit with adults as well as its teen target audience. Sick of watching fawning TV presenters, Simon livened up his chats with oddball antics, like talking to Natalie Imbruglia while wearing a paper bag over his head. "We did an interview with Atomic Kitten and one of the girls was pregnant," he remembers. "They did some awful a cappella thing and they said 'the baby's kicking,' and I suggested it was because it wanted them to stop."

Simon, the son of a courier company owner, has been plotting his rise to fame since he was 14, when he tried his hand at stand-up at a variety show. During school productions, he envied the kids who had the comic roles. "Someone else had a funny line and I thought, 'I want that one,'" he says. As a teenager, he honed his presenting skills by watching chat shows like Oprah, Ruby Wax and Jonathan Ross. And then, in 2000, he landed a job presenting kids TV on Nickelodeon. "I was sacked for being too sarcastic," he admits.

The Comedy Award is a tribute to Simon's quick wit and acerbic putdowns which have had fans in stitches since he took over from Mark Lamarr as Buzzcocks host last November. No matter which famous names appear as guests on the BBC2 show, the real draw is Amstell. His relentless barrage of insults has turned it into a regular bitchfest. Countless celebrities have fallen victim to his wit, a few have tried to take him on, but none have survived with their pride intact.

Most stars now realise that accepting an invitation to appear on Buzzcocks means offering yourself up as Simon's next victim. But his stand-up shows are completely different to the music quiz. On stage, he talks about Buddhism and pokes fun at himself. At last year's Edinburgh Fringe, much of his material came from breaking up with a long-term boyfriend.

"It's a way of getting all the stuff out," he says. "If people laugh, you feel they see something of themselves in you and in your struggle. When people have the courage to expose themselves on stage and tell you the most personal, embarrassing and intimate things, that is a proper show. More than just a witty one-liner." Simon believes he was born to be funny. "How could I not be a natural comedian?" he says. "I'm gay and I'm Jewish."

No celebrity is safe from Simon Amstell's cut ting sarcasm. Here are his best put-downs from Never Mind The Buzzcocks:

Foul-mouthed singer Donny Touret te swaggered on to the show then rubbed his groin. He sneered at Simon: "This is how I think of you." Simon replied: "You think of me as a tiny penis?"

"I watched Hollyoaks: In the City last night," Simon told Philip Olivier, star of the soap's late-night spin-off. "Imagine Hollyoaks, but even worse."

Responding to comedian Noel Fielding's line that Courtney Love would "crush you like a twiglet", Simon joked: "Or kill me and make it look like suicide."

"Javine is one of the most boring people I've ever interviewed. And I've interviewed Ronan Keating!"

"Kim Wilde helped to break the world record domino topple. Kim has loved dominoes ever since there was a fee and she was available."

"Penny Smith is my favourite presenter on GMTV - which sounds like a compliment but is a bit like saying she's my favourite member of al-Qaeda."

To Keith Chegwin: "Are you a fan of Katie Melua?" Keith: "I am, yes. And her singing voice is great."

Simon: "You're not still drinking, are you, Keith?"

Simon to Jermaine Jackson: "What about Michael, has he ever done anything weird?"

After playing Girls Aloud's Long Hot Summer video, where the girls dress up as car mechanics, he said: "Waxed, fluffed, full leather interior, slight smell of sick, some rearend damage - it's Girls Aloud."

When Amy Winehouse turned up looking the worse for wear, Simon commented: "This isn't a pop quiz show any more - it's an intervention."

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Some great lines for sure

[luke]

buzzcocks is cool whatever happened to marc lamar though?

[faceless]

He was replaced by Simon Anstell! I think he does a radio show on 6 Music now.

[6ULDV8]

There is an Xmas special of Buzzcocks (as opposed to the one this past week)...

I will try & find more details...

[nekokate]

Simon Amstell is awesome! I was converted when I saw him interview Kelly Osbourne.

She was being a bitch and he was reading questions that were on a monitor behind her. She turned around and said "Oh, my God, you're just reading questions from a screen, you don't even do any research?!"

Amstell said something like "I didn't want to risk a coma, but let's now watch the video you've been rolled in here for me to pretend to like!"

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