Really pathetic Christmas jokes

[IRiSHMaFIA]

I'll hate myself for this after but here we go. If you got them then share them....no matter how stupid they are

:wreath: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?

A Christmas Quacker!


:wreath: Why does Santa like to work in his garden?

Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!


:wreath: What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?

Crisp Kringle!

BOOOOOOO!

[eefanincan]

[Skylace]

[faceless]

What's Santa's favourite film?
The Reindeer Hunter

Where does Santa go on holiday?
Santarctica

[eefanincan]

[IRiSHMaFIA]

[maycm]

Q. What do the elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet

Q. What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas one has no L (Geddit!!??)

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claus-traphobic.



I'll get me coat.........

[eefanincan]

[eefanincan]

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

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Little Known Christmas Fact
Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

[IRiSHMaFIA]

Both good ones eefan! Well done

[faceless]

What animal goes "Ooooooooooooooooo"?

A cow with no lips!

[eefanincan]

[Bat]

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?

He sold his soul to SANTA.
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I'll explain tomorrow if asked to.