Andrew O'Neill

[faceless]

Andrew O'Neill
Karen Wilson,
The Journal
Jan 23 2012

ANDREW O’Neill is a transvestite, vegan, anarchist, occultist and heavy metal-loving comedian who’s performed at comedy clubs, theatres and music festivals throughout the UK, Australia, the US and Europe. The 32-year-old, who’s fond of wearing skirts to heavy metal gigs, can be found warming up the audience for Never Mind the Buzzcocks as well as conducting comedy tours of Jack the Ripper murder sites. He was one of only three comedians to film guest appearances for the new series of Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle.

His new show ‘Alternative’, which was a hit at the Edinburgh Festival, will be coming to Newcastle’s Live Theatre on February 5. It explores why he’s chosen to live in an alternative way, rejecting the normal routes in life with tales of hitchhiking to gigs, living rent-free and practising black magic.

What’s your first memory?
My dad, dressed in his Spacemonaut suit, trying and failing to convince a policeman that his ‘space ship’ was exempt from parking regulations due to it being not a Ford Cortina crudely covered in tinfoil, but a moon landing capsule.

What were you like as a child?
Small. Hairy. Heavier than I looked due to extreme density. Polite. Dangerous. Radioactive. Hiding, always. Confused. Violently reactive when placed in contact with water. Highly polished. Charming. Old.

What childhood games did you play?
Pin the tail on the wasp, run-Andrew-run-and-keep-running- until-we-can’t-see-you-anymore, Super Underwater Breath Holding 9000, cars-on-fire, Steal-The-Gin-For-Mummy and Pig Noises.

What music did you like and what was the first record you bought?
I liked Queen, Public Enemy and, briefly, Michael Jackson. Then I found metal and my life changed. My first record was Living Doll by Cliff Richard and The Young Ones on vinyl. I still have it. I like the fact that my first record was a comedy record.

Did you have a family pet?
Yes. Cats and small children are a terrible combination. Experiments ultimately ensue. As a vegan I am very ashamed of the route my inquisitive nature took.

Were your school days the best days of your life?
No. I get to have sex and drink beer now. And I can see over walls more often. They never tell you about that one.

Were you ever bullied?
Of course. I am a weirdo. But I was pretty fearless and would often end up in headlocks due to my willingness to openly take the piss out of the hard kids at school.

What were your favourite TV programmes?
Doctor Who, Blackadder, Maid Marian And Her Merry Men, anything comedic, really. Fry & Laurie, Smith & Jones, Harry Enfield and Chums, then later Monty Python and Vic and Bob.

What did you want to do when you grew up?
Pop star, heavy metal guitarist, actor, comedian, marine biologist, stunt man, female.

How did you spend your weekends?
Being dragged round endless garden centres and DIY shops. My parents are fanatical about doing up their house. It’s like the Forth Bridge. They’ve lived there 31 years and have never stopped redecorating it.

Do you remember your first kiss?
Emma Burchell. She broke my heart and went out with a succession of my friends. Literally, like, five of them in a row. Good kiss though. She was pretty hot. I always punch above my weight with women. I seem to be able to distract them from my weird-shaped face. My wife is amazing. Blind, of course. But an incredible sense of smell as a result.

Who was your first love?
Princess Leia. Obviously. And Emma Christian who lived next door. I still have a thing for women with dark hair and green eyes.

What was the most important thing in the world to you?
Star Wars, Doctor Who, learning how to make noises with my face, being funny.

What did you wear then, that you would never wear now?
Baseball caps and baggy jeans.

How have you changed from your teenage self?
I am more confident, less funny, fatter, openly transvestite.

Where did you go on holiday?
Greece. Over and over again.

Would the young you be pleased with the adult you?
Totally. I’m in a kick-arse band, married to a beautiful metalhead and I show off for a living. I am incredibly lucky.

If you could go back in time what would tell your 15-year old self?
Girls dig the tranny thing. You should totally come out and do it now, because you’ll never look more androgynous. Arson isn’t big or clever. You will never be a successful knife thrower, so stop practising on your mates right now. David Rees’ fingers are not replaceable. Go and see all the bands you like right now. They will split up.