Still Game

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A PIECE OF MY MIND:
Ford Keirnan, TV Comedian and actor
Jamie Lafferty
Sunday Herald

GREG HEMPHILL AND I ARE writing a new sitcom set in outer-space. The working title at the moment is Two Bob Rocket. It's about a bunch of Glaswegians who head out into space as the world approaches its meteoric end. We're both big sci-fi fans so it was only natural that sooner or later we'd start writing about it. A number of years ago we did a sketch with Chewin' The Fat called Taysiders In Space which has had a lot of hits on YouTube, so seeing that response was another box ticked.

MY TASTE IN TELEVISION IS FAIRLY eclectic. I love old American TV, things like Bonanza, Bewitched and The Dick Van Dyke Show. I'll pretty much watch anything that HBO produce. I've watched Six Feet Under, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Trailer Park Boys - it's dynamite. I've just finished watching Deadwood, too. As far as I can see it's American Shakespeare, but you really have to concentrate because the dialogue is coming at you hard and fast.

THE FIRST JOB I EVER HAD WAS in a tailor's as an apprentice, but I didn't see it out. I went on to work in 14 different clothes shops - I used to get poached because I was fairly decent at selling and folk would poach me with an extra couple of quid. Patter made me a good salesman. Also, I used to do something that wasn't allowed: whenever someone was outside looking in the window, you'd nick out and bring them in.
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BILLY CONNOLLY IS A BIG HERO of mine. I got to meet him briefly when working on a film called The Debt Collector. I had on a face-cast with two drinking straws up my nose, so I only really met him on an audio level. But the day I was being murdered in the film he turned up and we had a wee chat then. My mother was very upset that I'd been murdered by a wee boy with no clothes on.

I WAS GREGARIOUS AS A CHILD. Stereotypically, I was the class clown, impersonating teachers and all the rest of it. I had a great childhood - doing all the sorts of things I wasn't supposed to: plunking the school, climbing down the Milngavie quarry to steal birds' eggs when my mother thought I was safely ensconced ...

I OWN THE SHINEBOX FROM Goodfellas. You know the famous statement, "Now go get your f***ing shine box", well I've actually got it, signed by Joe Pesci, Paul Sorvino, Ray Liotta and Robert De Niro. Among my pals - Greg and the others - people used to say "Go get your f***ing shine box", and now I'm the keeper of the shine box I'm allowed to talk shite and not get pulled up for it.

I LOATHE FOOTBALL. I'VE ONLY been to about six games in my life. Greg once mentioned that there was an Old Firm game on at the weekend and I said: "Who's playing?" That's how little I know.

MY MOTHER SAID SHE toyed with the idea of calling me Heathcliff because she had just finished reading Wuthering Heights. My God, that would have been the ruin of me: "Heathcliff, come in for your chips!" Being called Ford was bad enough: "Cannae Afford", "Ford Transit", "Ford Escort".

I HEAR THE CHEWIN' THE FAT catchphrases ad nauseum. When the shows were going out, I'd hear them 100 times a day but it's petered out a bit. Now and again someone will repeat one to me, in fact it happened in the airport yesterday. It won't stop me doing the sketch shows, however - and we have a Chewin' The Fat Hogmanay special planned for this year.

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Still Game star Greg Hemphill on why he decided to split with comedy partner Ford Kiernan
Jul 18 2010
Lynn Mcpherson,
Sunday Mail

Greg Hemphill last night broke the silence on his split with Chewin' The Fat partner Ford Kiernan. He revealed how the partnership ended and admitted they now rarely speak. As Scotland's most successful comedy combination, the pair co-wrote sketch show Chewin' The Fat and hit sitcom Still Game. But, after forming their own production company, Greg, 40, suddenly walked away from the decade-long association in 2008.

He said: "I know it looks odd when you have two people who are in business together and then it stops. But there was nothing sinister about the split. I think we realised we weren't going to write a bigger sitcom than Still Game, or a bigger sketch show than Chewin' The Fat. We were joined at the hip, Ford and I, but that couldn't continue. However, we'll go for a pint one of these days - honest, it will happen."

When asked why he didn't give Ford any notice of his intention to quit, he said: "That is what a smart businessman would have done but artists are petulant, impulsive. We've all got regrets. Nobody's perfect and there are better ways to go about things but you have to make decisions and stand by them." Ford, 47, went on to take sole control of the pair's Effingee Production company.

Greg added: "The road in front of me was going to be about meetings and pitching game shows or trying to get other sitcoms away and build the business. That's what business is all about, I guess, but I wanted to follow a different path." Greg said the company had been Ford's brainchild. He added: "Before we knew it, we had a factory and a team of people working for us. But I wanted to be in control of my own destiny - like we were back in the days of Chewin' The Fat. I realised it wasn't for me. And it wouldn't have been fair to Ford to carry on half-heartedly."

Ford has now formed a new double act - with his pal, veteran comedian Bruce Morton. Meanwhile, dad-of-two Greg, who lives with Balamory actress wife Julie Nimmo in Glasgow's west end, has penned a comedy horror movie.

Greg revealed that although it was "sad" that Still Game didn't ever come to a natural conclusion, it was unlikely it would return to the small screen. He said: "We had discussed how we would finish Still Game and we even had an ending for it. It's sad we never got to do that. But these things are organic. You have to deal with the natural process of what happens in your life and how much control you have."

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Greg Hemphill fails to see the funny side after fan tries to knee him in privates
Paul O'Hare
Feb 24 2012
dailyrecord.co.uk

CHEWIN' THE FAT star Greg Hemphill has told how a "fan" tried to knee him in the privates in a pub. Greg, 42, was relaxing in an Aberdeen bar when the man walked up and told him how much he loved his TV shows. But he then turned nasty, telling Greg to stop talking to him in a "stupid voice" before trying to attack him. A bouncer asked the idiot to leave.

Bemused Greg described the incident on Twitter, asking his 20,000 followers: "What do you do when a guy comes up to you in a pub, tells you he loves your shows then tries to knee you in the nuts?" Fellow-comic Brian "Limmy" Limond asked: "Knee you as a sort of sh**e joke, or out of cold-blooded malice?" Greg wrote: "No no, this was the real thing. His knee came up hard and fast and I jumped back. First time anything like that's happened."

Brian said: "That's insane, did he just say he liked your stuff to get close then try to do that? "But you're a pure NICE GUY." Greg replied: "Chatted for a few mins first but I got a bad vibe off him. He was on something. Told me to stop talking to him in a stupid voice." Greg admitted to another Twitter fan that the incident on Wednesday night had been "a bit unnerving". He was unavailable for comment yesterday.

Greg is in Aberdeen performing in his play Appointment with the Wicker Man, based on the cult 1973 horror movie. The National Theatre of Scotland show will move on to Glasgow, Inverness and Dumfries. Greg became a household name thanks to Chewin' the Fat and moved on to even greater success with Still Game. But he revealed last month that the pressure of filming six series of the smash-hit show led to the end of his friendship with comedy partner Ford Kiernan.

And Greg showed his frustration recently at Twitter fans who keep asking him when Still Game will make a comeback. He sparked a row on his Twitter page when he wrote: "The next cunt that asks me to 'dae mair serieses of Still Game' will seal the fate of the programme forever."