Crap Criminals

[Bat]

'Dumbest criminal' caught in South Africa
bbc
8 January 2008
Police in South Africa's capital, Pretoria, claim to have to caught the "dumbest criminal" this year. The man walked into a station to report that he had been held up at gunpoint by a gang who had stolen his mobile phone. But when the detective phoned the number of the phone reportedly stolen, it rang in the complainant's pocket.

"The shock left him speechless for a few minutes," said police spokesman Eugene Opperman, adding that the man, 25, was then arrested for perjury. The police issued a statement entitled "Dumbest criminal?" with details of the weekend incident, South Africa's Star newspaper reports. "At the end of the interview, he rang the complainant's cell phone number, and it rang in the man's pocket," Mr Opperman said, according to the Beeld paper. "He told the detective that he'd given him the wrong number," he said. "But couldn't explain why the phone in his pocket had the corresponding serial number, or why it was same make and fitted the description he had given of the 'stolen phone'."

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[faceless]

Knife thief trips, stabs himself
Wednesday, January 9, 2008

A Michigan criminal's well thought-out knife heist, in which he would steal hunting knives by hiding them down his trousers, went perfectly according to plan - except for the bit where he tripped over as he fled the scene and stabbed himself in the abdomen. The man was taken to a hospital, and is expected to face charges.

According to reports in local paper The Grand Rapids Press, the would-be thief executed the first part of his plan flawlessly, hiding a number of hunting knives from a Meijer Inc. superstore about his clothing. His problems began when, as he tried to leave the shop with around £150 ($300) of knives stuck in his waistband, he was confronted by store employees and a tussle broke out.

It was as he tried to get away that he tripped over and stabbed himself in the belly. Witness Heather Dodd told amusingly-named local TV station WOOD-TV: 'I saw a man laying down on the mat by the carts, a knife by him with blood on the full blade of the knife. It was not a dull kitchen knife or a sharp butcher's knife, it was somewhere in between,' she added, vaguely. 'Someone was holding him down so I just walked around him, grabbed my cart, made sure everything was OK and got out of the way.'

The man, who police say has a criminal record, does not have life-threatening injuries, and is likely to face misdemeanour shoplifting charges.

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haha

[Lostinthestates]

I think these two would be in the running too!!! Can't believe it - sort of comical though

[faceless]

Car-jacker caught by TV crew
April 25, 2008

A criminal stopped half-way through a car-jacking to ask a television news crew for directions. The clueless 19-year-old collared WOIO-TV pair Shannon O'Brien and Eric Walls for help finding the nearest bank. But they noticed the car's driver was being held at gunpoint - and swiftly alerted police.

The 19-year-old suspect was then chased by officers, arrested on a charge of aggravated robbery and held in custody on a $50,000 bond. The TV pair had been filming a report from the streets of Cleveland, Ohio.

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I need to sort a 'muppet' smilie...

[faceless]

Texas man trying to cash $360 billion check arrested
Friday, May 2, 2008
Fort Worth, Texas (AP)

Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company. The 21-year-old North Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business, authorities said. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious — perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off, according to investigators.

Fuller, of suburban Crowley, was arrested on a forgery charge, police said. He was released after posting $3,750 bail. Fuller said his girlfriend's mother gave him the check to start a record business, but bank employees who contacted the account's owner said the woman told them she did not give him permission to take or cash the check, according to police.

In addition to forgery, Fuller was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possessing marijuana, Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson said. Officers reported finding less than 2 ounces of marijuana and a .25-caliber handgun and magazine in his pockets, police said.

Fuller couldn't be located for comment by The Associated Press on Friday because there were no phone listings for him in the Fort Worth area.

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[Bat]

.....and I'd like it in cash, now please.

[faceless]

Thief accidentally gives loot back to victim
Thursday, May 8, 2008

Three days after stealing a rare collection of coins, a thief in Germany took them to the bank for safe keeping - and delivered them into the hands of the man he had robbed. Soon after the deposit, a bank worker handling the coins recognised them as the set worth around £40,000 that had been stolen from his house.

Police tracked down the 36-year-old suspect and arrested him, finding a haul of other stolen goods in the process.

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this is more unlucky than stupid, but hey...

[faceless]

Victims' photo helped cops nail robbery suspect
Thursday, May 8, 2008

Police say they had no trouble tracking down a robbery suspect, because the victims had taken his picture while chatting with him at a bar a short time before the theft. The suspect, Andre Smith, struck up a conversation with a group of women at a bachelorette party at the Bensalem Township taproom early Sunday morning, the township's public safety director, Fred Harran, said Wednesday. The women were taking photos of each other when Smith jumped in front of the camera, Harran said.

Smith later was ejected from the bar for allegedly harassing customers. When two women in the group left the bar to go to a nearby convenience store, Smith robbed them of their purses, Harran said. The women recognized Smith — who apparently didn't recognize them — and gave investigators a copy of their photo, Harran said.

Later Sunday, a detective went around to local apartment complexes looking for Smith and spotted him, Harran said. Smith was arrested on robbery and theft charges and is being held on $50,000 bail. Electronic court records did not list an attorney for him.

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Now that's properly stupid...

[pirtybirdy]

It doesn't get any better than that! LOL!

[faceless]

Personal ad led to arrest of Germany’s most wanted man
31 May 09
thelocal.de

New details have emerged about the arrest last week of Thomas Wolf, Germany’s most wanted man: He was caught after posting a personal ad looking for a wife, Bild am Sonntag reported Sunday.

The 56-year-old had escaped from prison three times and had a €100,000 reward on his head for multiple run-ins with the law, including the kidnapping of the wife of a top banker in Wiesbaden in March. Wolf received €1.8 million as ransom for her release. But Wolf’s lonely heart led to his downfall, Bild reported.

Police were tipped-off to Wolf by the woman who had responded to his May 16th personal ad in the “Seeking Marriage” section of the daily Hamburger Abendblatt, which had advertised Wolf as “cultivated but seldom boring” and “financially independent.” The woman, known only as Eva S., met Wolf twice for dinner, where he told her he had “skeletons in the closet” and could appear in public. Wolf then told her had a fortune in cash and asked for her help. Would she rent an apartment, register a car and open a bank account, all under her name? In return, Wolf offered Eva S. €100,000.

Wolf didn’t mention his past as a kidnapper or bank robber, but implied that he had embezzled the money from a car dealer. Eva S. expressed surprise and said she needed time to think about his offer. On the cab ride home, Wolf gave her his mobile phone number. A few days later, he called Eva S. and said he was being kicked out his hotel and asked to spend the night with her. She declined, but offered to put him up with friends of hers. Wolf didn’t take the offer and an uncertain Eva S. asked friends for advice. One of them found Wolf’s wanted picture online and when Eva S. saw the photo, she turned to the police.

Police were able to track Wolf’s approximate whereabouts using his mobile phone and on Thursday, an investigator recognised Wolf and arrested him. Agents found €140,000 cash in his hotel room. Wolf currently awaits hearings in a Hamburg prison cell. Eva S. left the city on Friday and is now at undisclosed location, Bild reported.

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What a crap criminal!

[Skylace]

Schmuck.

[faceless]

Jesus defeats armed robber
A shopkeeper in America faced down an armed robber and sent him running from her store - by invoking the name of Jesus.

This CCTV image shows Marian Chadwick ordering the armed robber out of her shop in Frisco, Texas. Suspect Gabriel Cabello burst into the crafts boutique in January, pointed a gun and demanded money. But Chadwick simply pointed back and said: ‘In the name of Jesus, you get out of my store. I bind you by the power of the Holy Spirit.’ The robber then slowly backed away, before fleeing the store empty-handed.

'I got mad. The Texas part of me was challenged,' Chadwick told the Dallas Morning News. 'It was just like this whole store filled with the power of God,'

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What kind of criminal robs a craft store and then gets scared by Jesus? A crap one!

[pirtybirdy]

LOL! What would she have said when he put a bullet through her head? Nothin'. Jesus and alcohol = bravery to shoot yer mouth off in any situation. lol!

[eefanincan]

Crap criminals indeed!

[luke]

Prize for the worst bank robber goes to... the man left hammering at door of branch that was CLOSED

A hapless bank robber fled empty-handed when he turned up at the branch - on early closing day.

Baffled staff - taking part in a training session - watched in amusement as he hammered on the door with his gun demanding to be let in, say police in Kirchheim, Austria.

The would-be crook - wearing a Barack Obama mask - eventually fled to his getaway car without gaining a cent on Wednesday.


Let me in! The would-be robber, disguised in a cunning Barack Obama mask, stares in through the door of the bank in Kircheim, Austria on Wednesday


Time to cut my losses: The bungling bank robber eventually gives up and makes a run for it

'We thought it was part of the training, some sort of initiative test, or a joke. Laughing only seemed to make him more angry,' said one worker at the Raiffeisen Bank in Austria.

Although closed, the staff were still in the bank as they were taking part in the after-hours training session.

Police said the Barack Obama raider was about 5ft 7in tall and dressed in a dark jacket with red stripes on its sleeves, dark jeans and dark gloves.

A bank spokesman said: 'He wasn't very smart - the bank was robbed both last December and in January this year and we now have really tight security so I doubt if he would have got away with much assuming he had managed to get inside.'