Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:18 pm Post subject: NEDS Kru - The Wee Man
I'm sure that hardly anyone will be able to understand much of what the guy's saying, but let me assure you - it's perfectly done. I was well impressed with the rapping.
haha ok, I'll give it a go... I'd do a translation, but that might be seen as culturally insensitive to the people concerned...
here's some key words though -
'hingin' oot' - slapper/tart.
'bolt ya nugget' - get lost
'buckie' - a tonic wine with added caffeine and insanity.
'eccies' - ecstasy.
'Lou Reed' - speed.
that should be enough ....
-----------------
'Here mate, you lookin at mah burd?'
'Naw'
'How no? Ye tryin tae say she's ugly or sumpin?
Ah was like that 'Your ma's pure hingin oot' and yer granny was like that 'Aye'
Ah was like that 'Your ma's pure hingin oot' and ah was like that 'yes'.
Ah'm gonnae pump yer maw
Here you, that will be right
Ah heard you tried to knock mah stash last night
Here you, what's the fuckin' script?
Yur a wee bawbag and your jaw's gettin ripped
Here you, ya stupit wee daftie
Ah don't wanna get handy
But ah think ah'm gonnae huf tae.
Ah'll jump all o'er yer heid
Ah'll teach you for stealin mah weed
(chorus)
here you, that'll be right
here you, bolt ya nugget
here you, that'll be right
here you, bolt ya nugget
Ah'm gonnae rip yer jawwwawaww
Ah'm goin down the town, tae see if ah'll get lucky
If ah dinnae get a burd ah'll drink some more Buckie
Wash it doon with a couple of pills
ah know a few Eccies will cure mah ills
Get a (something) of Lou Reed
When ah wake in the mornin ah'll probly be deid
Don't know what he's got Johnny Cash,
Roll a Jimmy Cliff wi some Moroccan hash
And if that disnae work we'll get some crack
Freebase the coke and then some smack
Beastie B's!
Psilocybin's the potion for me!
(chorus)
here you, that'll be right
here you, bolt ya nugget
here you, that'll be right
here you, bolt ya nugget
Ah'm gonnae rip yer jawwwawaww
Don't gie's any yer,
Don't gie's any yer,
Don't gie's any yer,
Shite
Ah fucked yer maw last night
Don't gie's any yer,
Don't gie's any yer,
Don't gie's any yer,
Shite
Here mate,
Yer a dickhead
yer a dick!
Ah fucked yer maw last night
(chorus)
here you, that'll be right
here you, bolt ya nugget
here you, that'll be right
here you, bolt ya nugget
This reminds me of the club scene from Trainspotting in which Tommy & Spud are discussing Tommy's argument with his g/f over Iggy Pop. The directors kindly included subtitles. Although I must say, I had a harder time understanding Begbie, especially his version of the game of snooker and the ensuing violence. I wish they'd subtitled that.
I mention my role on the panel because the evening got off to a rather strange start, as opening act The Wee Man – a broad caricature of a scummy youth – spent most his allocated ten minutes griping acrimoniously about my review of his act in last year’s competition. The first couple of lines got him laughs, and elevated his rebel status, but as he admitted he didn’t care about the competition, and in became clear he wanted to dedicate the lion’s share of his stage time to settling a score the comedy dried up, especially as the bitterness was all-too real, and the cause irrelevant to any one else in the audience.
One of his complaints was that I called him a generic ‘chav’ act, when he was fiercely proud to call himself by the local equivalent, a Ned. Ned, chav, scally, schemie… it’s all the same. There’s more to comedy than donning a gold chain, Burberry cap and nasal whine – and with so many people going down the same route, whatever their city of origin, you need a keen sense of humour to stand out. But with his obvious comments about the baggage handler who attacked the Glasgow Airport terrorists or weak jokes about how rough his mother is, the Wee Man just doesn’t cut it.
By elevating a difference of opinion into a feud, he can claim that he is always destined for a poor Chortle review. That’s not necessarily the case, but with all objectivity, he’ll have to do much better than this predictable, derivative and unfunny act to get one.
Having read this review of the Scottish Comedian Of the Year (SCOTY) last week I felt that it sounded like The Wee Man was genuinely aggressive, but having now watched THIS video I reckon The Wee Man was actually pretty funny. At least he didn't stick to a rigid script - and he's right about the size of Bennett's napper!
Ok, so he's not exactly a world-class act, but the laughter from the audience of experienced comedy goers and acts says a lot...
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